Jesus hates rioters

Jesus was not a rioter or insurrectionist.

Well, unless you want to get picky about that one time in the temple when he got into a little property damage and some lashing out with a whip at the correctly licensed, tax-paying merchants and bankers. Or twice, depending on how you prefer to deal with chronological differences between the gospels. But, so, yeah, not a rioter.

He did hit the streets, though (wait, didn’t he have a job?), and draw quite a crowd, and stick it to the Man using some choice words about oppression and the poor and the self-righteous hypocrites. He wasn’t an arsonist but he promised hot hellfire for some of the aforementioned.

And he was arrested, and stripped and whipped by the duly authorized police. And when the proper, law-abiding people were given a choice of a prisoner to be freed, they snarled and shouted and went with the straight-up criminal not known for healing and forgiving the undeserving bottom-dwelling scum and saying things that put decent people and their preferred leaders in a bad light.

And he was well and truly lynched, in a manner generally reserved for slaves and insurrectionists, in company perhaps (if I’m recalling the semantic range of ΛΗΣΤΗΣ correctly) with one or two of the latter—to one of whom he spoke kindly, promising to meet up with him in Paradise after they both got done suffocating and bleeding out in public, nailed up on posts for three hours on a Friday afternoon for the upstanding good citizens to mock and jeer and spit at.

So yeah, my good Christian friends, please do make sure you always give your loud support to that thin blue line no matter what, and speak of and to the authorities only with deference and respect, and make sure not to cast even one aspersion on the merchants and bankers whose tables sorry I mean windows get broken by their ungrateful customers, the insurrectionsts and rioters, whom Jesus hates.

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